This weekend I got to spend the whole time alone as my wife and son had gone to visit his grandmother over in Everton Park. I suddenly realised I hadn’t spent a night alone in my own home for probably four or five years and was quite excited at the idea of all the things I could do which my wife wouldn’t normally like. I had my evening planned, it started with a few beers with my mates on the back deck, then progressed to me lounging around on our large comfortable sofa eating a home-made selection of fish and chips without any salad. I wouldn’t even put the towel down on the couch before I ate which normally would infuriate my wife and get me sent to the dining table in disgrace. The first part of the evening went well and my mates and I enjoyed a few cold beers while watching the football on the TV I had rolled out onto the deck. Once the game was finished and they all wandered back home I settled in to make my fish and chips. Luckily my wife had bought me a very special men’s retro apron to wear whenever I cooked because I made such a mess of all my clothes. Unfortunately things didn’t go fully to plan because the fish which I had liberally covered in my own special recipe batter decided to virtually explode when I put it into the deep oil pan which I had clearly overheated too much. This meant the batter splattered all over the back wall, down the sides of the kitchen cabinets, across the back of the stove and worst of all all over me. Luckily I was wearing the apron because the batter was scalding hot and it protected me from getting badly burnt. As it was I got some of the batter on my arms and its stung like hell. I spent the next few hours cleaning the kitchen trying to make it look like nothing had ever happened, and then I rang for a pizza to be delivered so that I could at least enjoy the rest of my evening. Funnily enough when it arrived it turned out to be the wrong order so I just accepted that my night was write-off and went to bed.